Oh, let's start insulting each other again then

OK. :)

Smeg-head, dinosaur breath, molecule mind. A**hole

A formal duel: insults at five paces. I shall adjudicate. Malefact first, then HStorm respond.

Okay, I'm game!

Righty-ho. :)

Mal, you may go first

OK...

You are a piece of putrified sty that has been left out in the desert for a week and pissed on by a camel as a finishing touch.

Ouch!

Respond!

Your face belongs in an art gallery of pictures of elephant's behinds that it fell out of during a day of God's piss on the Earth

Close, but Malefact wins out on elaboration and articulation. Round 1 to Malefact!

Blast!

Continue.

OK...

You are a blistered, maggot-infested ulcer that has been partially digested by a mad cow.

You have all the charm, charisma, salubriousness and athleticism of Bernard Manning with his head stuck in a loo previously used by River Phoenix... without flushing!

Vicious! Round 2 to HStorm.

RESULT!!!

Only coz you used longer words. :)

Hey, I's educated I is!

Continue.

You are a disgusting bubole that has been minced to a yellow, viscous globule, mixed with rat droppings, thread worms, served up with fried tumour and bird corpse.

Your brain has been pickled in used bog-roll and dipped in a jar of bleach while your nostrils are crammed with dog turds sprinkled with dog-snot. That's the only way you know how to wash.

Round 3 to HStorm.

BRUTAL!!!!

Any more rounds, Thanatos?

If you wish.

Mal?

OK...

First to five or until someone surrenders.

Okay, first to five

Ready when you are Mal!

You are a foul excuse for an individual who has all the charm and romantic aethsetic of a car crash.

You run like John Inman when he's being ridden by a horse, an experience you are not only familiar with, but actually really enjoy, especially when it urinates on you afterwards.

OOH! Round 4 to HStorm.

Ding! 3-1

Elita was right when she called me "God of Snark!"

Maybe we should have played T/D beforehand. I would have probably done better.

Can he call you old, since you're ancient compared to us lot?

Absolutely. I am one of the codgers of the forum!

Errmm.. T/D out of the question

Shame. I can feel something welling up. :D

We can play pooh sticks later if you like. Ready and waiting...

Continue (or concede), Malefact.

If it comes to T/D, I'll leave.

:-)

Right after me, KaM. :)

I shall continue...

You are a festering whitehead that has been half-chewed by a rabid rat and then spat out into a bowl of bird crap and I hope that you die of an agonising wasting disease that lasts months and leaves you begging for someone to kill you but no-one being around.

Your breath smells like a 747's exhaust after it's ploughed through a field of elephant crap, and smashed into a sewage farm where the workers all have dysenteric flatulence, in a country where no one's bothered to invent deodorant!

And leave rabbits out of this! No need to get personal!

I LIKE rabbits!

Closest yet, but Round 5 to Malefact. 3-2 to HStorm now.

Here comes some more...

Please hurry, I'll have to leave soon.

You are the contents of a toilet bowl that is frequented by a 300-pound fat git who eats nothing but chile, curry, beans and shoots twenty times a day, that has been emptied into a large cauldren and mixed with tuberculotic fluid and a dash of AIDS and then injected into a disease-ridden pidgeon which goes on to be run over by a bus, taken by a starving old tramp and cooked up with his own faeces and urine, only to be accidentally dropped into a river next to a raw sewage outlet pipe.

Your aunty used to do it for money. Now she does it for free. Except she also does it with you... for money. She gives you your pocket money and you give it straight back! And you're so quick, she has to give you change.

Ouch!

Lame-o! :P

Round 6 to HStorm. 4-2.

Oh lame was it, Malefact?

Uh huh. Look at the score.

Next round then?

I've got a confession to make...

I'm almost fresh out of bile

So I should be easy meat

Continue.

I've got to go. Take over adjudication, KaM. First to five. Currently 4-2 to HStorm.

Oh well. Small audience

You sleep with corpses that have been in the ground for at least six months, the more maggots the better and with as much French kissing as possible - if not with what remains of the tongue, then with the rat that has been burrowing out the corpse's face.

Your hobby is sleeping with animals that have been turned down by Swampie on the basis that they're not clean or natural enough for him, and... er, I can't really think of anything to add to that

4-3 obviously. :-)

I'm not even needed. :D

:)

I told you I was out of bile

Been farting once too often?

Er, see above.

:-)

haha errr 4-3...obviously

Ready

You make your living out of doing the kind of favours for sailors that not even the most shop-soiled, middle-aged, wrinkley whores would even consider in their worst nightmares. In fact, you are so tilted that you enjoy it. You have an assortment of surgical instruments that would have any ordinary person screaming in agony. You think pus and ulcers are alluring - you would rather lick them than the client's face.

Your face is born from the excreta of gastropod noses, your eyes stagnant pools of pond-life that was hurled from the gates of hell for their excessive fouldness, while your arms and legs have all the strength of twiglets dipped in cowshit and cooked in the flames of a rhinoceros' backside, which has recently been rutted by a mutant housefly

Yawnerama. :)

sheesh.. hard one to call

But this 8th round goes to...

a 9th round!

D'oh!

:)

I have nothing left to fight with

I'm afraid the licking of pus and ulcers had me cringing

*Makes notes*

Ready

That was the intention. :)

You peaked too soon, Mr H

Or maybe just letting Mr M back in the contest...

If we make it 4-4, then, it would make for a nice decider. :)

It is.. was just commenting on your catch-up

Well.. I don't expect it to be a 'nice' decider

It shouldn't be a pretty affair

It's not meant to be

I'm ready

Should be a bitch of a pitch!

The scurvy and rickets that coat your flea-ridden body from head to foot in festering pustules mean you can only charge quarter rate for your services. Thankfully, there are plenty of sheep around who are that desperate, as the friction burns on your oversized behind demonstrate.

That wasn't my entry, that was just a comment

:-)

You are a six-month build-up of surgical waste (cancers, tumours, pus-drenched swabs etc.) that has been left in the desert for three weeks to be infested with maggots, then dipped in the disease-ridden sewage of a third-world country before being sent to a Middle Eastern brothel for use as a lubricant for the foulest carnal exploits conceivably possible, involving seedy businessmen, unwashed prostitues and the most sordid array of toys and instruments ever devised, most of which are tarnished.

HStorm ~~

Bad luck

For you win.

Eh?

HStorm is declared the victor, 5 vicious, evil insults to 4

You rabbit!

I WON?!?!?!?

I thought I was gubbed!

You RABBIT!

Thanks!

Malefact?

I'd shake your hand...

but I can see the leprosy would cause it to fall off

Oh sorry, the game's over isn't it?

I didn't have the stamina. :)

He wouldn't want to shake your hand sir.. not after you've spent the last hour jerking off rabbits with it.

Hehe! :D

Victory is an amazing stimulant isn't it?

well, im honoured to have been an audience member of that fantastic Insult Fight, but im afraid i must now take my leave... see you all next time!

I was feeling shattered at 4-2 up

Now I feel like I could piss you off for another twenty hours!